Dada is the sun, Dada is the egg. Dada is the Police of the Police.

3/15/2005

I challenge Noah McCullough to a fight

To prove to all of you that I am not some kind of coward who picks cyber-fights only, I am offering to have it out with a real, live member of the enemy forces. The only way these Bushies will learn is if we start kicking their asses in a literal, as well as metaphorical, sense. Thus I make this challenge to the newest shill for the Bush administration's Social Security "reform" plan.

If you haven't heard of Noah McCullough, he is a nine-year-old who the Bush administration has enlisted to travel around the country to convince everyone of the wisdom of Bush's SS plan. Here is a picture of Noah:








Noah has his own website here (apparently he asked for it for Christmas, along with his own business cards. Precious, no?). The header at this site reads "Noah McCullough For President in 2032." To get a feel for what kind of Commander-in-Chief Noah would make, here are a few choice quotes:

About Bush's SS plan:

what will happen is when you do these personal accounts and all that.. what it's going to do is it'll pump it back up. Like when you take medicine, it doesn't work immediately, it works over time ... A lot of Americans didnÂ’t support President RooseveltÂ’s effort to create Social Security at first. Now it will take a while for everyone to be fully educated about what President Bush wants to do to strengthen it.


About Bush himself:

He's a good Christian man ... I plan to pattern myself after him.


On his favorite president:

It's a tie between Ronald Reagan, George Herbert Walker Bush, and George W. Bush.

On why he decided to travel around the country stumping for Bush's SS plan:

I know that it's a major problem that has to be fixed. And I don't want to have to deal with it my first day in office.


On how many times he has visited George H.W. Bush's presidential library in Houston:

Twenty-seven times.


I think these quotes make clear that Noah is in desperate need of a good ass-kicking, for his own good as well as that of the country. But apparently, no one has yet bothered to give it to him. This got me to thinking: what has become of our society?!? Noah goes to school, presumably--you're telling me that visiting a presidential library 27 times isn't good for at least a weekly thrashing? What's wrong with the youth of America?

Well, I have decided to pick up the slack, to do the duty that Noah's classmates have so irresponsibly shirked. I am going to kick Noah's ass.

I know what you're thinking--how can you kick his ass? You're only a head!

And you're right. It will not be easy for me to kick his ass. But I still think I can take him. I have to try--for the sake of the greater good.

So I officially challenge Noah McCullough to a fight. You pick the time and place, Noah, and I'll be there to give you the ass-stomping of a lifetime. Boy, do you have it coming.


UPDATE: Noah is scared of me and is being a huge pussy. See here for details.

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