Dada is the sun, Dada is the egg. Dada is the Police of the Police.

3/13/2005

True love, Hannity-style

Another sign of the imminent collapse of Western civilization, which had previously escaped my notice, is brought to my attention by the Socialist Swine. Apparently, on Hannity.com -- you know, Sean Hannity of Fox News fame -- there is an unholy dating service for right-wingers called 'Hannidate'. You can post a personal ad there in order to "find your perfect match through Hannity style romance."

Did anyone else shiver when reading that last sentence?

Anyway, as you can imagine, there's a pretty impressive crop of potential lovers on Hannidate. Among them:

  • Jenny, who is a probation officer, a NASCAR fan, and all-around "pretty darn lovely":






  • Scot, who says "I don't know if I want a serious relationship, but it would not hurt just to meet someone":





  • Sharon, who you will be "proud to have on your arm":





  • Eric, who apparently has some sort of jungle fever, is "looking for a woman that is conservative that doesn't smoke and who is not White":





  • And finally, there's Michael, a Mormon who attends church regularly and "tries to live my faith which includes abstaining from pre-marital sex" but is "VERY affectionate and look forward to a VERY healthy sex-life once I am married!" (read: expects anal):







All in all a pretty promising bunch, huh?

Socialist Swine, though, doesn't want to take any chances, and so is, in an effort to "make up for my transgressions against conservatism ... helping a conservative I find over at Hannidate find themselves some fairytale right-wing love." These week the lucky Hannity Head is Jonathan, a college student who likes "studying, watching movies, watching anime, playing video games" and is looking for a woman who "is traditional, so she has to be good at cooking at cleaning".

Socialist Swine sees a few problematic aspects of Jonathan's ad:


You say that you want a woman that is “traditional, so she has to be good at cooking at cleaning.” While you're at it why don't you ask for a woman who would love to wash the skid-marks off your drawers, responds well to cries of “Get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie," and whose goal in life is to be barefoot and pregnant.


With the Swine's help -- read the rest of it here -- Jon should find that special lady in no time.


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