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The ethical cannibal

Have a taste for human flesh, but feel guilty about eating actual humans?

Now there's another way to get the taste you crave: Hufu, The Healthy Human Flesh Alternative!

From the site's FAQ:

What does HufuTM™ taste like? Does it taste like human flesh?

HufuTM™™ is designed to resemble, as humanly possible, the taste and texture of human flesh. If you've never had human flesh before, think of the taste and texture of beef, except a little sweeter in taste and a little softer in texture. Contrary to popular belief, people do not taste like pork or chicken.

How do you know HufuTM™ tastes like human flesh?

The taste and texture of HufuTM™ are the result of painstaking research and extensive testing in our kitchens. We are supremely confident that our food products would satisfy the tastes of even the most demanding cannibal.

How was HufuTM™ invented?

The hufu concept occurred to Mark Nuckols (Hufu, LLC founder) the fateful day he was reading about cannibalism in the book Good To Eat: Riddles of Food and Culture, by the authoritative anthropologist Marvin Harris, and eating a tofurkey sandwich.

Who actually buys HufuTM™™?

HufuTM™™ was originally conceived of as a product for students of anthropology hungry for the experience of cannibalism but deterred by the legal and logistical obstacles. However, our preliminary market research revealed the existence of a larger segment of the public that was interested in the availability of a legal and healthy human flesh substitute, as well as vegetarians and vegans. We also found that HufuTM is a great product for cannibals who want to quit. HufuTM™™ is also a great cannibal convenience food -- no more Friday night hunting raids! Stay at home and enjoy the flavorful, convenient human flesh alternative.

Where can I buy real human flesh?

Sorry, we can't help you. For better or for worse, the practice of cannibalism is frowned upon in today's modern industrial democratic societies. The purchase and consumption of human flesh is almost certainly illegal where you live. We recommend that you try some HufuTM™™ instead.

(Hat tip: this guy.)

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