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5/15/2005

Not-so-great Americans

Via Kevin Drum I see that the Discovery Channel is airing a show naming the '100 Greatest Americans' of all-time. And it's worse than you think.

Some of them could be candidates for the '100 Greatest American Criminals':

  • Colin Powell
  • Condoleezza Rice
  • George H. W. Bush
  • George W. Bush
  • Lyndon B. Johnson
  • Michael Jackson
  • Richard Nixon (!)
  • Ronald Reagan
  • Rudolph W. Giuliani


Other choices are just ... no.

  • Arnold Schwarzenegger (has been in exactly one good movie (the first Terminator) and many, many bad ones, including 'Batman and Robin', about which author Mike Nelson said, plausibly, "It's not the worst movie ever ... it's the worst thing ever." Then became really shitty governor of California.)
  • Barbara Bush (accomplishments: married one shitty president and birthed another. Impressive!)
  • Brett Favre (certainly one of the 100 greatest football players; not one of the 100 greatest anything elses.)
  • Donald Trump (greatest accomplishment: made a shitload of money in the tackiest way imaginable. Actually, that's kind of impressive.)
  • Ellen DeGeneres (greatest accomplishment: being a comedian who has never said a single funny thing.)
  • Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis (married a president; was kind of hot when she was young.)
  • Lance Armstrong (won a bunch of bicycle races in France; didn't die from cancer.)
  • Lucille Ball (you think 'I Love Lucy' was funny, but it wasn't.)
  • Mel Gibson (greatest accomplishment: managed to convince an entire nation that going to see what has been accurately described as 'a three-hour snuff film' was a wholesome religious activity. Actually that's kind of impressive, too.)
  • Dr. Phil McGraw (accomplishments: none to speak of, really.)
  • Tom Hanks (managed to play a gay man in a movie about how gay people are just like everybody else without ever kissing another man on screen.)

Oh yeah: Rush Limbaugh's on there too.

Drum thinks Dr. Phil is the least deserving of all. ProfessorBainbridge makes a list of 'glaring' omissions, which for some reason includes Julia Child.

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