Dada is the sun, Dada is the egg. Dada is the Police of the Police.

5/02/2005

Reductio ad absurdum

What's weird about Religious Right types is that they don't want you engaging in any form of sexual contact until you're married, but as soon as you are married, you're expected to fuck like bunnies and produce as many offspring as is biologically possible. This fetishizing of reproduction is taken to its ridiculous logical conclusion by Nancy Campbell, the 'editress' of a web site called Above Rubies (don't ask me), whose essay "PROTECT YOUR WOMB!" comes to us via World O' Crap. Here are some highlights for your reading pleasure.


PROTECT YOUR WOMB!
By Nancy Campbell

Let's see what God says about our womb in His wonderful Word, which is called the "Wisdom of God." (Luke 11:49) I like that name, don't you? We can find God's wisdom relating to every matter in His Word, even in such feminine matters as the womb and breasts.


1. IT IS OUR DISTINGUISHING IDENTITY.

... Webster's 1928 dictionary explains that the word 'woman' is a combination of the words, 'womb' and 'man.' Woman therefore means 'womb man' or 'man with a womb.' When God created woman, he put within her a womb. The womb is God's beautiful gift to women. In fact, God designed our whole reproductive cycle especially for us. Because it is His design and purpose for us, we should embrace it with all our hearts. We should not resist it. We should embrace every part of our reproductive system - menstruation, ovulation, conception, gestation, parturition and lactation. God was preparing you for motherhood even in your mother's womb. By the time you were born you had over a million eggs, prepared and waiting for your destiny of motherhood.

...

We must positively seek to protect our womb. There is an unprecedented attack against the wombs of women today, which is inspired by the enemy [Ed.-She means Satan]. We must be aware of his tactics ...

Satan hates the womb. He knew that through the womb of a woman would come the Messiah, the Saviour of the world, who would destroy his head [Ed.-???]. He knows it is through the womb of the woman that the 'godly seed' still comes to destroy his works. Satan comes to "steal, kill and destroy."

...

Did you know that both the Pill and the IUD are abortifacients? Did you know that more babies are killed in the womb through the IUD and the Pill than even the holocaust of abortion? Your doctor doesn't tell you this. Your pastor or minister doesn't tell you this. Thus, many God-fearing people are ignorantly aborting their own babies. The womb, which is a sanctuary to nurture and protect life, has become an extermination camp. Satan is having a heyday!

...

Permanent contraception such as Tubal ligations where the barren womb is denied the life it was created to nurture. When we decide on permanent contraception such as tubal ligation we are in actuality saying, "God, I don't appreciate the way you made me. You did the wrong thing when you gave me a womb. It doesn't suit my present lifestyle so I will make sure it can't be used." ... Proverbs 30:15,16. God has created the womb to yearn for life.


Okay, this is where it really starts to get crazy:


The sins of the parents from past generations can bring a curse upon the womb. It can also come upon us through our own sin or negative confession. We should be careful not to speak negatively about any of our reproductive organs. Guard how you speak about menstruation. When you call it 'the curse' or other negative names, you give an opportunity for the curse of barrenness or other disorders to come to your womb. A curse on the womb can be a failure to menstruate, painful or irregular menstruation, cramps, cysts, tumors, continual miscarriage and inability to conceive - in fact, anything that affects your reproductive organs. Now please don't get me wrong. I am not saying, that if you have one of these disorders that it is because of a curse. There are often other factors involved. But there could be a possibility. If you feel this is the case, you may like to pray this prayer:

"Dear Father, I come to you in Jesus' name. I confess I have not received my womb as a gift from You. I have ignored the power of my womb and my womanly functions. I repent. Please forgive me and cleanse me in Jesus' name.

In the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, I renounce all negative words, even jokingly, that I have spoken about my womb, about menstruation, about pregnancy and about my womanly functions. I renounce any curse that has been placed upon my womb or reproductive organs from my parents, grandparents or great grandparents on both sides of my family.

...

Genesis 3:20 TLB says, "The man named his wife Eve meaning, The Life Giving One!"

Eve in Hebrew is 'Chavvah' meaning, 'Life Giver!" Eve was the prototype of all women - the first of her kind. She was a life giver. We also are life givers! We have the privilege of conceiving, nurturing and bringing forth a miracle of life from within our womb. Eve certainly obeyed God's command to "be fruitful and multiply." Hebrew tradition says that Eve gave birth to hundreds of children! Wow, that's hard to believe isn't it, but remember, she did live for hundreds of years. [Ed.-A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!] The Bible only mentions the names of Cain, Abel and Seth but she gave birth to many sons and daughters and began the population of the earth. Genesis 5:4. No wonder she was called the "Mother of all living."

...

It is especially important to protect your ovaries. Not only do they release the egg each month, but also they release estrogen, which has a big bearing on your emotions. Don't allow a doctor to take out your ovaries just because they 'might' become cancerous. Protect them at all costs.

...

Many women confess to loss of sexual satisfaction after their womb has been removed ... A woman that experiences uterine orgasm rather than clitoral will be more severely affected by a hysterectomy...

...

IT IS A WEAPON AGAINST SATAN.

It is the womb that conceives and nourishes the 'godly seed' who will come forth to be the light in the darkness and who will destroy the works of Satan in this world. God is looking for an army. The greatest threat to Satan in this world is godly parents who understand God's intentions and who will bring forth and train a godly seed to fulfil His eternal plans.

...

The womb is a holy place and the entrance to the womb is holy. It is a type of the temple in the Old Testament where the Holy Place was separated from the Holy of Holies by a thick veil. The only person who could enter the Holy of Holies was the High Priest. God has also created the hymen in a virgin to protect the entrance of the womb. It is a type of the veil that protected the Holy of Holies and could only be entered by the High Priest.

The hymen, the protection to the womb, should only be broken by one man. God’s plan is that on the wedding night, two virgins come together and the hymen (the veil) is broken by the one who will become her husband – the priest of her home. Read Deuteronomy 22:13-21; 1 Corinthians 3:16,17; 1 Corinthians 6:18-20; 2 Corinthians 6:17,18.


I think this passage is my favorite:

Hebrew tradition says that Eve gave birth to hundreds of children! Wow, that's hard to believe isn't it, but remember, she did live for hundreds of years.


What?!? How the fuck could someone have hundreds of children! Why, such a thing is biologically impossible, an absurdity!

Oh, you say she lived for hundreds of years? Well why didn't you tell me that!

For more gory details, go here.

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