Dada is the sun, Dada is the egg. Dada is the Police of the Police.

6/24/2005

Words of wisdom

In an earlier post, I quoted from a self-help book called You Are Worthless. Just for the hell of it, here are a few more nuggets of wisdom from Dr. Oswald T. Pratt:

On friendship:
  • If they knew who you really were, they'd hate you.
  • Let's sit down and actually count the genuine true friends you have. It's not that many, is it?
  • Actually, you probably don't have a single friend.
  • Oh, except Jesus. He's your friend. Why don't you call him and see if he wants to hang out?

On romance:
  • You have a lot of physical flaws. How do you expect anyone to be attracted to you?
  • Somebody better than you is bound to come along and steal your loved one away.
  • The next time you have sex, fixate on just how horribly unattractive your body is.
  • Your special someone is far less attracted to you than to someone he or she saw on television once.
  • No matter how much you think you love someone or trust someone, know this: Between you and everyone else on this planet there is a dark, infinite chasm that can never be crossed.

On humanity:
  • Ninety-five percent of the people on this planet live in painful, abject poverty. And you don't care. Heck, none of us do.
  • A person just died of starvation in the time it took for you to read that. Who gives a flying fart? He or she was probably clear across the other side of the world anyway.

On you:
  • You often say that you're not doing exactly what you want to be doing with your life. You will continue saying this until you die.
  • Try a role-model exercise: Picture someone you look up to who is very rich, good-looking, successful, and loved by everyone. Now slowly count to one million, because that's how many years in which you will never be as rich, good-looking, successful, or loved as that person.
  • If you fell off a horse and were paralyzed from the neck down like Christopher Reeve, you wouldn't be the noble, I'm-going-to-beat-this-thing hero like they make him out to be. You'd spend every waking moment sobbing and wishing you were dead. In fact, that's probably what he's doing right now. [Note-written before Reeve's death!]
  • You do not have the right to feel the way you are feeling right now.
  • It's not okay.

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